[submitted by: moderndaywilliamtell
TASER MISUSE WARNING NOTICE
Employee Name: Clint Barton Date: September 20th, 2012
Employee ID: CB 8123114254 Job Title: BAMF
Manager: Agent Phillip James Coulson Department: Ass-vengers
Type of Warning
[X] First Warning [X] Second Warning [X]
Final Warning ALL THE FUCKING WARNINGS
Type of Misuse
[ ] As an experiment* [ ] “Darcy did it” [X] Response to inappropriate comment
[X] Power set too high [ ] “Hulk-taming” [X] To watch television**
[X] Other: Handlers shouldn’t tase their assets and why does he get off easy on the tv bit that just isn’t FAIR
*without permission of handler and consent of test subject
**unless you’re Agent Coulson
Description of Infraction: I told him I didn’t want to watch Supernanny again because I fucking hate that show it’s stupid and the kids are brats and Full Metal Jousting was on and that was way better than Supernanny.
That’s when he tased me.
Plan for Improvement: My improvement? I’m not used to filling these out. Is this even the right form? Is there a form for reporting abuse by Coulson? I have feelings he can’t just tase me all the time. His improvement? Take the taser away. Man doesn’t need the damn thing anyway, he can beat someone up with a bag of flour why would you give him a taser that’s like giving me explosive arrows. OVERKILL.
Consequences of Further Infractions: Let me have a taser.
Acknowledgement of Receipt of Warning
By signing this form, you confirm that you understand the information in this warning. You also confirm that you and your handler have discussed the warning and a plan for improvement. Signing this form does not indicate that you agree with this warning.
Clint Barton September 20th, 2012
He won’t sign it because he says that would be incriminating himself. HANDLER ABUSE.]
Agent Barton, this is in fact the right form to report taser misuse. You put in your own information where Agent Coulson’s should be, but that can be fixed by an intern this time. If you have any questions about forms in the future, you may ask our department, as it will save both of us time. There is not a form for reporting abuse by Agent Coulson.
You don’t have a taser for a reason, Agent Barton, and you already have explosive arrows.
Taking the taser away would only bring forth more improvised weapons and while that skill is appreciated and valuable, half of the junior agents already freeze up in terror every time they catch a glimpse of Agent Coulson in the halls. Adding to the list of everyday objects-turned-deadly weapons will only reinforce their fright and we need them to be productive. The other half idolize him and have attempted multiple reenactments of the flour trick. The janitors are not pleased.